millennialgeneration

Race is always a hot topic, but it is subtler now than it was for our parents’ generation, and, in some ways more complicated.  While our parents were preoccupied with large, obvious problems such as segregation and human rights, we inherited the more complex issues of glass ceilings, poverty induced by a racist history, and our own personal assumptions about race.  These issues affect not only our daily lives but also our relationships with others as now, more than ever, we are making friends with and dating interracially.

Though I initially wanted multiple perspectives for this article, I decided to include only one interview because of the thoughts and feelings it brought to the foreground for me.  Brandon West is a millennial that formerly worked at the committee of 70 through Haverford House and is now a compliance specialist at the Board of Ethics in Philadelphia. He identifies as African American and was excited about the interview.

Q:  Have you dated someone outside of your race/culture?

A:  Yes, I’ve dated inter-racially since college. Back in high school, it was easier to date black people.  Part of it was that there were more black people, but part of it was that there was a shared experience.  Our community was diverse and suburban.  Haverford (College) didn’t have a lot of African American women. Those who were there weren’t interested in African American Haverford men because many of the women were from the inner city and many of the males were from suburbia.  I feel like the women wanted someone who was really rugged and down to earth and gangster, but also intellectual.  There was a weird relationship with black men and black women on the campus.  They tried to take control of each other’s groups. I was around the white community more, so after a while it was easier to find white people who shared my interests.  I have both “white” and “black” interests, but I ended up around white people more.

Q:  What complications have arisen in a relationship because of racial/cultural differences?

A:  There are certain things that black people just understand inherently, so sometimes you have to teach white partners these things. It’s fine to teach them, but it’s a lot of work.  It’s hard to start to date someone who doesn’t outwardly have multicultural interests.  I wish my white partners to just show interest on their own rather then having to let them know.  There are some things that they won’t relate to or know.

Once you start to get serious with someone you want them to relate to the part of you that’s part of your race and the part of you that’s not part of your race. With a white person, they’ll emphasize our commonalities rather than acknowledging differences.  You want to talk about the differences and teach them about the differences. I also have to reconcile my own issues. I finally reconciled that I am attracted to white women more than the average black person and I have to make sure that that doesn’t mean that I think that white women are better than black women.  There’s this huge idea of wanting to do the right thing for your ethnicity.  No one wants to be an Oreo [*black on the outside, white on the inside].  I have to confront that concern of where I fall in my race.  It’s not something you can avoid.  It’s really hard.Because I communicate a lot with white people and date a lot of white women, I felt like a traitor.  I know that black women don’t like it when black men date outside of their race especially if it’s a white woman.  So if you do date white people you have to face that.

Q:  What are the familial expectations for you to date inside/outside of your culture?

A:  Initially my mother, when I started to see some girls, brought up the racial and intercultural issues and I got really angry. I didn’t see race in that way. I always kept my parents in the dark with whom I was dating.  It was an assumed fact that I would date someone who was white because of my interests, but they didn’t really know. After a point, my parents figured out that I was dating and dating outside of my race. I wanted to take the person I was dating for two years over to my place for dinner but I had told her about my mother and that conversation, so I knew it would be hard for her.

I went over to dinner at her place and her dad would always interrogate me and it was never open, but I knew that if I was Jewish he wouldn’t be treating me that way. When I’ve been in a relationship with a woman whose parents disagreed she has never brought the issue up or acknowledged it to her parents.  You want someone to stand up to bigotry, you don’t expect him or her to, but it’s important to prove that they care about you. It’s never open, it’s just floating in the background.  It’s there, but it’s not spoken.

Q:  Is there anything that you want to add?

A:  It’s really hard because sometimes someone who might be African American but is not militant might not seem to care about race but we do.  Sometimes I have to say super outlandish things to bring up race or it could fly under the carpet.  You have to remind people that there’s another part of you that they never interact with that’s important.  You could be obnoxious about it or squeeze it in or ignore it but all three ways are really difficult.

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